The Bloody Idiot Machine: Yuuri Makes A Stand!
by hearmelaugh
Summary: What happens when Gunter finds a lovematch machine created by a former Maou. Yuuri is confused, Wolfram is angry, and Gunter nosebleeds. A lot. Fluff!


Author's note:

I don't think there are any spoilers, and as long as you know Yuuri and Wolfram are engaged the story should make sense.

_Italics _are for character thoughts or words that are emphasized.

Disclaimer: Sadly, KKM does not belong to me. Only the bloody idiot machine and the antagonist are mine, but I'd much rather have Wolfram TT

Read on, hope you like it! My second ever Fan Fiction.

Comments are greatly welcomed. Flames are allowed, but I don't like them

**The Bloody Idiot Machine: Yuuri takes a stand**

Shibuya Yuuri is a 17-year old demon king. He's just and fair, and is beloved by all. He resides in Blood Pledge Castle with his royal advisors and friends, all of whom he loves and all of whom love him. Especially the Little Lord Brat, Wolfram Von Bielefeld.

Wolfram Von Bielefeld is Yuuri's opposite in every single way. He has shining blonde hair to Yuuri's deep black, glowing ocean-green eyes to Yuuri's dark gleaming ones, a temper that embarrassed global warming to Yuuri's cool calmness that could freeze a lake.

Wolfram is also very smart when it comes to his feelings… Yuuri is not.

Yes, it is true. Yuuri is a bit slow when it comes to fiancées.

And so the circle endlessly spins: Anissina blows things up, Gwendal likes cute things, Wolfram likes Yuuri, and Yuuri is apparently oblivious to him.

Until one day, after thoroughly sorting through the treasure vaults, Gunter finds something that makes his nose bleed with pleasure.

It was….

It was….

Well, it was basically a rather ugly lump of rock. But true to its intensely magical nature, it appears clear _simultaneously _as it remains a black, moss-covered boulder. One's eyes attempts to leave one's sockets if one stares at it for too long.

Anyway….

It was the creation of the 15th Demon King, Vanneck the Silly. It was …. A love-match machine!

Obviously, the great demon king can't go around marrying just _anyone_. So Vanneck the Silly expended a massive amount of magic to create a machine that finds the _perfect_ mate for the king of the Demon Kingdom. Said the former king, the match is based on the amount of love and capability a person has to serve the Demon King. But Vanneck was Vanneck the Silly for a reason. Yuuri thought it was because the demon would only ever wear sky-blue shoes. Gunter figured it was because Vanneck spoke with a terrible lisp. Wolfram couldn't be bothered to give such a matter any consideration. The reason is much simpler, yet painfully unobvious: Vanneck was a fool.

And so, the great love machine was brought before Yuuri.

Because Yuuri has done nothing but complain about his engagement to Wolfram.

At the moment, however, Yuuri sat on his throne internally cursing every complaint he had ever uttered. After "activating" the thing with his magic (Gunter said it sort of needed a sample of him to run comparisons with) the rock was placed on a table in the middle of the throne room. Yuuri was prepared to swear that it was looking at him menacingly through stony eyes.

But that didn't hurt.

What hurt was the disappointed, heartbroken look Wolfram had thrown Yuuri when he had activated the thing. Yuuri attributed it to Gunter's monologue earlier on:

"Since Your Majesty greatly dislikes being engaged to Lord Von Bielefeld, your engagement can be terminated easily should Your Majesty become engaged instead to the person chosen by the love-match machine,"

Gunter had to be physically restrained to stop him from jumping on to the activated machine.

_Because it has to be a female _thought Wolfram, a sad smile twisting his lips at the sight of Gunter being dragged away screaming "Heika! For your safety, I must try it!" Wolfram would much rather have thrown out the stupid thing, but it was the creation of a former king; who was he, a lowly soldier, to go against royal tradition?

The smile disappeared when the first noblewoman (all invited by Gunter earlier on) entered the throne room.

Yuuri, though a bit slow sometimes, noticed the grimace of pain and betrayal that had marred the beautiful face of his friend and protector. _But this is the invention of a former king. Gunter would never have left me alone after he found it. What was I to do?_

The thought disposed of the guilt, at least for a while. But all it took was a glance of Wolfram standing to his side with a now-impassive face and shaking fists to make it return tenfold.

_Maybe I needn't get worried at all _thought Yuuri.

The 21st noblewoman didn't get a response from the stone, and was dragged away sobbing like the 20 others before her.

The failures continued until there was but one woman left.

Lady Harriet Von Trusbig.

Though it is generally accepted that Yuuri can't really hate another person, this was a lady he severely disliked.

She was quite good-looking, with long wavy brown hair and intelligent gray eyes. And she didn't look half bad in a dress either.

_But she has the manners of a pig._

Yuuri would have scolded himself for such a thought if it wasn't so true.

Lady Harriet was the pinnacle of snobbery. She treated most people like filth, and acted as though the people she deemed unworthy (like servants, humans) did not exist. When Sangria the maid had bid her a good day, she didn't even blink in response.

_Something about her just feels…wrong._

And Yuuri didn't like her smile.

_It's like there's invisible tape holding her cheeks up _Yuuri mused casually, convinced that this woman would fail like all the others. _Not like the way Wolfram smiles when he teases me at all! Hers looks false, his looks so…radiant. Wait, radiant? Shut up, Yuuri!_

Lady Harriet curtsied to the king and wished him a good night (_and only to me… Gwendal, Conrad, Gunter and Wolfram ALL outrank her. _Yuuri was disgusted) before stepping up to the love-match machine and daintily placing her hand on it.

Understand, no one knows exactly what is supposed to happen when the love-match machine finds the perfect bridal candidate. It was assumed it would be a tremendous show of flashy magic.

This wasn't far from the truth.

The moment Harriet's hand hit the hideous mass, it started to glow a viciously bright shade of gold, and tiny hissing noises could be heard, similar to when water hits a hot pan. Magical confetti that looked as though it was made of light swirled around the throne room and plump purple dragons the size of baby Pochi exploded into existence.

Yuuri couldn't help it.

Half a second after the vulgar display of magic started, Yuuri found himself turning to look into a pair of the most beautiful green eyes in creation.

_What have I done?_

Yuuri felt the same as when Sousho had removed Wolfram's heart.

Wolfram was suffering, and unlike last time, NOW Yuuri could actually stop the pain. He wasn't powerless in this situation.

A command.

All he needed to do was make one command, and Wolfram wouldn't look like it was Yuuri ripping his heart out.

_But then I'd still be engaged to him… to a boy_

Yuuri tore his eyes off Wolfram to look at Harriet, who at that very moment had a hungry look on her face as she eyed the maids, the room and his crown.

_I'd be engaged to Wolfram._

Yuuri made a decision.

Yuuri made a stand.

"Lord Von Bielefeld?"

Wolfram wanted to snap at the source of the voice to shut up and let him suffer in peace.

Since it was the king addressing him, he decided to snarl an angry "What? Wimp!"

_But wait…_

_Harriet is the fiancée now, isn't she?_

A thousand thoughts jostled for his attention, but Wolfram felt his mind go blank.

In the end he managed a tired "Yes, Your Majesty?"

Even determined as he was, Yuuri nearly fell off the throne in shock. He hated this saddened, despairing, limp, _unreal_ Wolfram. He was upset to see the boy this way.

And so, he started smiling when he remembered his plan to make Wolfram feel better.

Obviously, Wolfram took the smile the wrong way. But he was feeling awful, much too awful to make a derisive remark or even to glare impatiently.

"Lord Von Bielefeld, please place your hand on the machine."

It was a sweetly spoken order, but the soldier was devastated.

_How could you, Yuuri? Why do you want to embarrass and hurt me any more than you already have? Obviously I am not the one destined for you. I now know it. Is it revenge for all the times that I threw a jealous fit and proclaimed you my fiancée?_

The dark of the night sky outside enveloped Wolfram in a feeling of doom and destruction.

Heaving a sigh of dejection and sorrow, Wolfram bowed stiffly to Yuuri before walking to the rock. Harriet moved away, a satisfied smirk contorting her pretty features.

Wolfram offered a final beseeching look to Yuuri. He tried to make Yuuri understand that he, the Little Lord Brat, knows that the engagement is over. That he didn't need further proof or pain. Tried to show that, _I am hurting enough. Don't, please, please don't hurt me anymore._

Yuuri only shook his head, an unspoken command for Wolfram to continue.

_With this I die._

And Wolfram touched Vanneck the Silly's love-match machine.

The rock that was previously glowing a merry gold colour instantly darkened, as though an internal light switch had been flicked off. The confetti and dragons disappeared, and the cheery hissing noises stopped.

If anything, the rock lost all of its previous odd transparency, and became an opaque mass of darkness.

Wolfram stopped breathing.

_I know Yuuri isn't mine, but am I this horrible a partner for him?_

Yuuri started laughing.

It began with a soft chuckle, but grew until it became full-blown unstoppable laughter.

_With this, I am damned._

Wolfram couldn't take his hand off the rock. _This is the machine that has ended my life. Funny, I never thought Yuuri could be so cruel._

His attention was pulled away from the numbing depths of depression when Yuuri stood up and cleared his throat.

Smiling sweetly, Yuuri began speaking as he walked towards Wolfram.

"I knew it! Vanneck was Vanneck the Silly for a reason"

All eyes were on him now, a pair of gorgeous green ones paying particular attention.

"I should've known this would happen. I'm sorry Wolfram, I really should have known better"

Yuuri had crossed the room and was now standing in front of Wolfram, a wistful, dreamy smile on his face.

"Wolfram, do you know why King Vanneck was silly?"

A slow shake of a blonde head.

"Because," Yuuri's voice softened to a conspiratorial whisper, though still clearly audible "he created a machine that is enough of an _idiot _(he stressed the word) to think that _you _do not love _me_" Yuuri started blushing, but struggled bravely on "and that _she _(he looks pointedly at Harriet) would make a more capable and loving partner than _you_!"

"I am sorry for all the hurt I've caused you. I wonder what you must have thought when I told you to use that stupid thing. But I wanted to prove how incredibly useless that fool of a machine is."

"I declare this insanity over. Come on Wolfram, let's go to bed. I'm sleepy and I bet you're tired"

With that Yuuri pulled Wolfram's unresisting hand and led him towards the doors

"Goodnight everyone!" he threw over his shoulder. Wolfram remained silent.

"WAIT!!!" a female voice screams.

Yuuri turned, impatience showing clearly on his normally amiable face. "What?"

"You have to marry me! The creation of a former king demands that you do! You cannot leave _me _for that spoilt, inelegant little…"

"Enough"

It was said quietly, but the threat was terrifyingly apparent.

"I am the king now, and no stupid tradition will bind me to you," Yuuri took a breath, before continuing. "And if you ever, _ever _insult Wolfram ever again, prepare to be banished."

The previously unmoving Wolfram shook out of his shocked stupor and returned to his senses. He roughly punched his king's shoulder with his free hand.

"Yuuri, stop. You did not mean that. She's not worth all this aggravation. You have said your part, let's go to bed."

Yuuri smiled beautifully at Wolfram before turning his back to the fuming Harriet.

"That thing is as stupid as I was. It knows _nothing _about love. Follow its misguided whims if you please, but don't hope to tie me down with it. Unlike that lump, I know love when I see it…" blushing furiously again, he continued lamely "… in others", before grinning goofily at Wolfram.

"Oh, and Conrad?"

"Yes Your Majesty?"

"Get rid of that bloody idiot machine. Let's go, Wolfram"

Yuuri smiled at everyone and left, heading towards _their _bedroom still tugging Wolfram's hand.

"Thank you, wimp"

It was spoken ever so softly, but Yuuri's grin grew wide when he heard it.

The machine is a fool, as was he

However odd it felt to be engaged to Wolfram,

He knew,

Knew with a certainty beyond doubt, belief and understanding,

That Wolfram LOVED _him_

And that is enough.

Enough, at least, for Yuuri to realize it.

And no fool machine would shift him from…

ahem

Their love.


End file.
